Friday, December 17, 2010

Here I am again.

I figured I'd post a picture so that my readers can see the little man I describe.  Christmas is right around the corner and this is the first christmas without him.  I've got so many pictures it's hard to pic one to describe him.  What would he have grown up to be?  It's been hard for me to get my feelings out.  I'm so confused about how to feel.  I'm so angry about how he left.  I can admit I've learned something from my two year old.  Life is too short to be angry, to be sad.  The world is so beautiful there is so much to laugh about and enjoy.  Why didn't I see this when he was with me?  He always found a reason to be happy.  He wasn't one of those kids who whined or pouted.  He had his moments where he would get sad about something you would see it register on his face.  Then he would move on to something new.  I love you little man.  I can honestly say my children have made a man of me.  One day I will have a family again, and I won't make the same mistake twice.  Thank you for being such a wonderful son.  I'll always miss you.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

On a Sunday

What is it about Sunday's that make you think.  I've had an interesting life with many of mistakes.  I just want a place to go and write.  Two weeks ago my son would have been three.  I can't believe that the authorities haven't made an arrest yet.  Am I to be another one of those parents who sees no justice for their child?  What is there that I can do?  How is it you can make the best out of this situation?  Back home there is this spot it's up on a hill, and there sits a gazebo.  I used to sit in that gazebo. I would watch the river down at the bottom of the hill.  I'd watch the city move, people running to and from their destinations.  Always rushing always running never slowing down.  My guess that's why it's called the human race.  My son was a wonderful child and the sad thing is.  I was so selfish that I didn't watch him grow.  I focused everything about how I can please myself for many of years.  I was so confused about my priorities I couldn't make up my mind what I wanted most.  It's funny we spend the most of our time rushing, worrying, and stressing.  It takes one extra-oridinary event in our lives to wake us up.  If you have someone you should be taking the time to tell them I love them.  Find a new and different way each and every day.  You don't know when that person is going to go.  The most haunting thing about this experience is losing someone to abuse.  I'm always thinking about it.  Wondering to myself what I could have done different.  There should have been some sign some signal that I've should have seen.  I miss him, the way he laughed, the way he always danced to music.  He always found an excuse, a reason to make someone laugh.  How to close something like this?  I don't want to keep on talking about my son.  I' m not looking for sympathy.  I just wanted somewhere I can share my thoughts, and people could read them.  I haven't been able to write for a long a time.  About a week ago my feelings started coming out, and it's nice to write again.